Memories

Memories.... The littlest thing can trigger a memory.. A picture, a comment, a TV show, a movie, a person.. All these things can draw something out of your soul that you never thought could...

I ask myself, what is a memory? A memory is a time in your life that made a significant impact on you that you can not forget, whether it be good or bad.. You can't forget no matter how hard you may try..

The memory is always there lingering in your subconscious somewhere.. It could be near the surface or it could be buried deep within what I call the memory file.. And you think that you have that memory so deep that there is no way that it could ever reach the front but somehow, some way it creeps closer and closer to the beginning of your memories.. And before you know it bamm there it is.. Right in front your eyes for you to see, to feel, to remember and with no warning either.. Is this a memory I really want to see, one that I really want to feel? God I don't know!! Am I strong enough for this? I find myself answering myself... Yes my child you are because if you were not ready you would not have allowed it to surface in the first place.. Can we really control what we want to remember? I believe we can..

Our minds are a very powerful thing.. We can block out such things in our mind as a defense tool... Most of the time we tend to block out the bad things in our life. The things that are just to painful for us to feel, or see and it seems much easier at the time to forget....but that only lasts for so long.... I have even blocked out good things in my life. Good memories of people that I love so much... Because even the happy moments were just to painful for me see... When I look at pictures or remember moments with my mother I still cry, it still hurts. When I look at pictures of my daughters and remember moments with the girls it still hurts and I still cry. and I am beginning to think that I will always hurt and I will always cry. But that is okay because I would rather have the memories of them with me then to have completely forgotten them all together.. Because the memories are all I have left of them....

When you really think about your life and yourself it is funny how every little thing that you have ever said and ever done becomes someones memory of you..